I don’t know what you might have thought but we are going to talk about something else. Money can’t buy love. Money can destroy it. According to a survey of Money Magazine, couples fight more over money than over sex. Snoring, what’s for dinner, how much time they spend together and where their children should study remain much farther down the list of reasons for heated arguments.

That is why in the series “Finances for non-financiers” of the blog of UniCredit Bulbank we will present a few tried and trusted practical ideas for smart money management for couples. We would hardly be able to claim to have saved any relationship, but we may be of help in bringing down the number of arguments about money.

Talk before things have got hot

A few years ago, a Bulgarian who had settled down in the United States, brought his then future wife, an American, to Bulgaria to meet his parents. I asked him “How are you doing?” and he said “We should move our relationship to the next level. I hope it will work out”. “What do you mean by next level, this is not one of your video games (he is an IT guy), you have already proposed and she said ‘yes’,“ I asked unbelievingly. He answered: “We need to have the money talk“. It seems that it all worked out well as 15 years later he is still happily married with two children and a 6-bedroom house with four bathrooms.

Wall Street Journal warns that being in a couple and not talking about money may cause many troubles. According to research, most arguments about money occur in the midst of a discussion on a completely different topic and accordingly they involve a lot more personal emotions than a sober judgement of the real situation requires. Thus it is better for couples to sit down and discuss the topic when they get to “that level”. Wall Street Journal suggests a few questions to start the conversation: “What is your most hurtful memory related to money?”, “Which are the three most important money lessons you have learnt from your parents?”, etc. Considering the fact that money seems to have only recently started attracting attention as a topic of interest at schools, parents may lack experience. Nonetheless, sit down and talk about it.

Make a family budget

Budgets are thought to be something overly dreadful and complicated, like the hypotenuse in Branislav Nušić’s Autobiography. However, just like a hypotenuse is simply the sum total of the squares of the lengths of the two sides of a right-angled triangle, a budget consists of only two items – income and expenses. The key questions are related to the money going in – salaries, annuities, other money received, etc.; the money going out – rents, installments, telephone and electricity bills, etc.; and the money left and what we do with it – invest it, save it, spend it for entertainment, etc. Making such calculations, some may discover that their individual expenses have decreased: for example, if each of the partners used to pay rent separately, now they pay only one rent. Others, who used to live with their parents, will see that their expenses have increased. In any case, clarity regarding your financial situation, even if it is not great at the moment, is better for the relationship than the darkness of uncertainty.

Agree on who will pay what

Some couples may understand each other without words, however most sweethearts will probably have to decide who will pay the electricity bill so that they will not have to have candlelit evenings – a situation which as a matter of fact may turn out to be unexpectedly romantic. There is no single formula for allocation of the obligations – electricity and heating bills, taxes, fuel expenses, etc. It is important that each of the partners feels that it is a fair deal.

To avoid asking the same question every month, i.e. who will pay the heating or the electricity, the payments may become automated. Good banks will take care of this instead of you. If you want first to see the bill and to pay it afterwards, which is reasonable, you may choose to use online or mobile banking. Both allow the preparation of a template for the different payments, which can be used every month. An acquaintance of mine used that service and paid the electricity bills of his wife from Mozambique all year round, while she paid the installments for the family car in Bulgaria.

Shared, divided or mixed budget

According to my personal banker, a relationship based on love is an expression of infinite and unconditional trust and after health, finances are the next utmost form of trust. Sharing with your partner your true financial situation is one of the things that builds trust. Each with their own account, one single account or something in the middle – whatever the partners feel is fair is the right decision. Experts say that generally it is good for the partners to have a significant amount of shared funds, and at the same time each partner to feel free to make purchases which he or she deems necessary – a monthly fitness subscription, a book from Amazon, cosmetics, dancing classes, English lessons, etc. Now we come to the fundamental and often critical question of how much each of the partners earns and how he or she contributes to the shared expenses. In some cases one of the partners is devoted to the home and the children and practically does not receive any salary, however it is important to take into account that the value of what she or he does is not less worthy than his or her partner’s salary.

Set common financial goals for large-scale expenses and investments

If one of the partners suggests forgoing a dinner out in order to save for skiing in Austria while the other partner is dreaming of a vacation on the Maldives, the conflict is inevitable. Decisions for large-scale expenses such as home mortgage, investment in expensive education, vacation, lease for a new car and other similar expenses should be taken in complete agreement. These are expenses with a long-term effect on the family budget and therefore couples who are planning to stay together cannot turn a blind eye to such decisions. The same is valid for investments. It is good that the partners reach the same levels of knowledge and understanding of how they are going to invest and save – through a mutual fund, deposit account, a real estate property, land property, a range of different instruments, etc. – what is the profitability they are expecting and essentially what is the level of risk. Imagine the following situation: the man in the family suggests that they should invest in a stock portfolio of European companies in expectation of rising prices due to economic recovery, but instead the prices fall, as it is now. If the woman did not anticipate such a risk, there is a solid reason for a family argument.

An extra tip: Plan the financing of unexpected expenses – flood, broken car, school trip for the child, etc. It turns out that unexpected expenses occur quite often. The emotional stress over the issue how to find the necessary amount of money can be avoided and may be turned into love energy to charge your relationship.

Finally, 60% of the spouses check their bank account balance more often than they make love (data of Money Magazine). It is true that this is now possible 24/7 thanks to mobile and online banking. But this is exactly the same amount of time you have to tell to your beloved ones “I love you”. And you don’t need money do that.

We have researched the topic in detail to present to you a brief conclusion of a lot of different perspectives. My personal banker Viktor Bachev was also an inspiration and an advisor. The following links are among our sources:

http://time.com/money/2800576/love-money-by-the-numbers/

http://www.wsj.com/articles/how-couples-can-resolve-their-biggest-fights-over-money-1428895317

http://time.com/money/2800576/love-money-by-the-numbers/

http://www.wikihow.com/Take-a-Healthy-Approach-to-Finances-in-Your-Relationship

http://time.com/money/4207111/money-relationships-love-tips-advice/?xid=homepage

https://www.key.com/html/couples-financial-planning-articles.html

More information for media:

UniCredit Bulbank, Identity & Communications Department

Viktoria Blajeva, Phone: + 359 2 9264 993, wjlj/ebwjepwbAvojdsfejuhspvq/ch